Cento V

"When in doubt, do nothing."
                              —Marcus Aurelius. 
To do it week after week, & keep one's sanity, 
is quite a trick. 
                    I am in doubt. 
Cocktail parties with martinis & uninteresting guests—
nobody much gives a damn whether you write 
or take dope or read the American Magazine.
                                                  I play things like 
"What Is This Thing Called Love?" & "St. Louis Blues" 
on the Steinway concert grand in the music room. 
                                        I wish awfully that you 
would come back to N.Y. for a while.
Last night, 
          found an album of Bix Beiderbecke 
records buried among Bach & Shostakovich. 
                                        All were dutifully played. 
Late in the evening, sitting out in the hallway, 
quite alone, on the cooling radiator, head in hands.
So much to say, & as you once said:
          some things just don't get into letters.